I do not want sex: tips for improving relationships

30% of people in the world have problems with sexual attraction. Picaster tries to understand the causes and suggests solutions.

Sex in our society plays a huge role in self-assertion. The recent research showed that virgins do not want to enter into relationships with other virgins.

In this case, we also established the “norm” in the amount of sex creates a vicious circle. If a man has many women, then a man is a “cool macho” and at the same time a “womanizer”, few women he is a “loser”. If a girl has many men, she is a girl “with low social responsibility”, which “no one will marry.” The virgin is “boring in bed”, “there will be a lover”.

So, we suggest to remember one thing: everyone has their own rate of the amount of sex in a period of time, and if you are so comfortable to have sex once in six months, it means that this is normal. Even a complete lack of sex, if it does not bother you, is also normal.

But sometimes the libido sharply decreases in comparison with the usual state. And this is by no means a rarity.

According to research, 30-40% of people around the world lack interest in sex for at least several months a year.

The causes of this phenomenon are complex, because many factors influence the libido – emotional state, medication intake, health problems (which you may not know about), stress, physical fatigue, the cycle phase, and so on.

We will try to disassemble the most popular of them and offer a solution to the problem.

Taking medication

Erectile dysfunction and decreased libido are side effects of a huge number of drugs. It is often possible to blame antidepressants (with this, 30-80% of people suffer from this, this is one of the main reasons for refusing treatment), opioid pain killers, oral contraceptives, antihistamines, anti-anxiety drugs, baldness medications, contraceptives and many others.

If you take any of these medicines and feel less sexual attraction than usual – go to the doctor, describe the problem and ask him to find you an alternative remedy.

Contrary to popular belief, funds like Viagra will not help you in case of decreased libido and erectile dysfunction, since the problem in most cases is not solved by the flow of blood to the genitals. And the possible side effects of Viagra is not any better:

  • headache;
  • stomach upset;
  • blurred vision;
  • sensitivity of the eyes to light;
  • sudden decrease or loss of vision in one or both eyes;
  • an abnormally long erection that can harm the penis;
  • irregular heartbeat;
  • stroke;
  • a heart attack that can lead to death.

If there is no way to stop taking any of the drugs that reduce libido, “natural Viagra” can help. This L-arginine is an amino acid, a precursor of nitric oxide, which leads to a relaxation of smooth muscles in the vessels. As a result, they expand and blood flows more freely.

L-arginine can also increase microcirculation in the genital tissues, which leads to increased erection and sexual sensitivity. But you need a doctor to prescribe such a remedy, since an integrated approach is often needed to solve the problem.

Health problems

The reasons for declining desire are one of the most popular questions in Tatyana Nikonova’s blog. And sometimes the question is formulated like this: “How to reduce stress from a partner in order to increase his desire?”

In response, Tatiana told her story.

All the last year I did not really want sex, and then it turned out that I have a vitamin D deficiency. The endocrinologist, according to other indications, prescribed huge doses to raise to normal levels, and now I really even want sex. The question is: how can the withdrawal of unnecessary worries revive my desire for sex? No way. How could I have guessed that I have a vitamin deficiency if the doctor did not send for analysis? Too in any way. How would I feel if the partner said that he was being humiliated by my refusals? Under pressure because of responsibility for what I have no idea and do not control.

Tatiana Nikonova, journalist and author of the blog, activist of sexual education

General health has a great influence on sexual life. For example, increasing the blood sugar level or simply the constant presence of sweet in the diet can actually turn off the gene that is responsible for sex hormones.

Therefore, if you have not had a desire for several weeks already, but you do not take medications from the list above, you do not have problems in relationships and stress, it is best not to delay the trip to the doctor. Reducing libido can be caused by increased blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, changes in the hormone level, diabetes and much more.

Fatigue and stress

Fatigue is not an ephemeral state that will take place in one day or that can be ignored, because “everyone is tired.”

If recently in your life there was a strong shock – moving, exams, the death of a relative, then, most likely, the desire will return when the problem is solved or you cope with the experiences.

But a serious, long-lasting change in life is another reason for lowering sexual desire. Emigration, financial instability, the birth of children – all this makes us live in an unaccustomed rhythm.

The birth of children in general turns the way of life for many years, and fatigue becomes a constant state. Stress also causes the body to produce cortisol – a hormone that is incompatible with sexual desire.

In this case, the reorganization of everyday life, the distribution of duties can help. But this should be on a permanent basis, and not for a week, otherwise fatigue will quickly return or simply not have time to retreat.

It’s also possible to add more time to yourself, even to the detriment of other things. Long-term stress depletes the body, and it will take a little time before the lack of desire ceases to be your only problem.

Problem in relationship

If the decrease in sexual desire has caught you in a relationship, then before you check all of the above points, it is worthwhile to answer yourself the question whether you are satisfied with everything.

Perhaps sex in these relationships has never been chic and, when it was time to fall in love, it became too obvious? Perhaps you are limited in expressing feelings and emotions and your sexual desire has never been important?

Perhaps you just want something new, but you do not know how to say this? Perhaps you have become less likely to want to have sex, but you are satisfied with this, and your partner is not?

Talk about sex is difficult. But one tip is to start talking about him. A partner who treats you as an individual and respects your desires will accept them and will be ready for a long absence of sex if you, for example, are being treated for depression.

Whoever will wait, we must remember: sex may not return. Especially if the problem is still in a different standard for each of you. And no persuasion and “ideal courtship” will not make a person want more than he needs.

For many, sexual activity is an important part of life and relationships, but you need to remember that problems with libido are a common thing. It is necessary to take care of your health first, and not wait until “it passes by itself”.

Sergey Ermilov / About author

Editor in chief of the picaster.com. Traveller, living all around the World, share the best experience.

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